What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I was very sick at this time too.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Especially a lifetime of it.

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It was going to be , some day.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

After 70 years of the crappiest computers ever made, why does IBM exist?

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

But, we were locked up after school.

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The only rule us 5 kids had .

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

He resisted the act ,that day.

What made you recently say to yourself, “Wait. Really?”

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Why are daughters mean to their mothers?

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Who then, do I blame.?

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

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He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

She was in good health!

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

What are tips for weight loss?

I could never make a relationship work though!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

All the time i was locked up.

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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Why are perceived or real slights interpreted as rejections and reality by pwBPD?

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

What are some life hacks for living on your own?

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

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But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

So, i spoilt her more .

Where the ultimate outsiders.

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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I will be 64.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I never cut or harmed myself..

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I said to her

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

We were not on the streets..

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I don,t even have a pension.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I write beautiful poetry .

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

And who doesn’t know suffering?

But it wasn’t much.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Would this be the day?

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

(And it was in our own minds.)

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

I couldn’t, believe it.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

She wouldn,t have been !

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Im still living with it.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Why did i forgive my father ?

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I was scared of men, in general

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

We all went to grammer schools

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

My mum and dad in the seventies!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Ive learnt so much.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

One cannot live in the past .

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

My family never makes their pension either.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Put me off passion for life!!

Was to survive, this bastard.

This is soul school!.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

When she asked me how she looked .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

She found it foreign!.

She married twice! .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

So whats the point in blame.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I was 9 years of age.

I think the readers, may guess!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My life is so biszare .

She loved him until the end.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

I waited trembling.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

I have no regrets .

Comes on , in middle age.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

What did i know ?

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I was seconnd youngest,

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

As i do to all so called friends.?

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

But ive been too sick for many years..

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

On the 31st of Jan this month .

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I had hoped to write a book about this .

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

He knew the spot.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

And i lived it daily.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!